Love &
                             Your Money and Your Love

The wisdom of love

If you feel gratitude for those you love and for those who love you, you‘ll be happy.

If you appreciate what you now have, you’ll not feel the lack.

If you love and forgive yourself totally (only you can do that, and no one can do that for you), you’ll learn to let go of the past and move forward with your happiness.

The wisdom of love will give you the energy within for you to do anything and everything in every aspect of your life to give you happiness.

The wisdom of love and money

If you want to marry rich, do you think of love first, or the one you’re going to marry?

If you’re rich, does your loved one love you or your money? The rich and the wealthy, due to their ego, often don’t really care.

If you aren’t rich, do you love an individual irrespective of that individual’s abundance or lack?

There’re no definitive answers to all of the above questions. True and genuine love is unconditional, which is loving someone with or without money, and love is priceless.

The bottom line

Money cannot buy love, and love cannot buy money -- that’s the reality. But love is hardly disconnected from the reality of living in the material world that involves money. And that’s also the reality.

So, you must focus on your own core values, such as honesty, integrity, love, compassion, generosity, and gratitude, among others. Your core values have little to do with money; instead, they demonstrate the values of what life has to offer, and not the values of things purchased with money. Your core values affect how you may live for the rest of your life, including with your marriage partner.

So, look at love and money from your own perspectives, such that you’ll not end up only loving money, and not its wisdom.

Spending money in a marriage

Your money wisdom is to spend what’s left after your saving. If you don’t have anything left, then why do you spend on the things you don’t really need with the money you don’t have?

Basically, your spending habits have much to do with your own money values. So, rethink your own money values: what does money really mean to you?

Also, ask yourself some questions about any “big spending” you may have on your mind, such as the following:

Buying a “big” house

·Do you really need a big house?

·Why do you want to buy a 4-bedroom house, instead of one with 3 bedrooms?

·Can you buy one later instead of right now?

Planning a “big” wedding

·Do you want to spend “big money” on your engagement ring, your wedding dress, and your wedding reception?

The reality is that an expensive wedding doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage, except a heavy debt if you don’t have the cash.

Warren Buffett once said with humor that he bought “expensive” suits, but they looked pretty “cheap” on him.

Do you buy an expensive dress to make you look “expensive”? So, don’t try to “look” rich, but to “get” rich by spending your money wisely.

The reality

Yes, money does matter in a marriage. If money really matters to you, then capitalize on the skills you already have acquired, enhance and improve them, and look for better and richer employment. In addition, there’re most likely many other skills you may already possess that can’t be or haven’t been fully maximized or utilized where you’re currently working. Then, harness those skills and capitalize on them through doing some freelance work on the side to maximize your current income.

But money is also the No.1 cause of divorce in married couples. The explanation is that earning money, saving money, and spending money involve many human conflicts, disagreements, priorities. Worse, money often leads to an inflated ego and the sin of pride-both lack accountability to maintaining and sustaining a happy marriage.

Letting go

“Letting go” literally means releasing your close or tight fist to abandon or give up something that you’re holding in your hand. If you are close- or tight-fisted, you also cannot receive anything without opening your hand.

“Letting go” is detaching. The opposite of “letting go” is “attaching to” something that you’re stubbornly holding on to.

It’s letting go, and not attaching to, that makes you strong, because it overcomes the fear of the unknown and the unpredictable. Let go of yesterday to live in today as if everything is a miracle; let go of the world to have the universe.

So, let go of your attachment to money, or anything that you’ve attached a price tag.

Saving money in a marriage

Making money may be easy for some, but keeping the money made is difficult for many.

Many Americans earn plenty of money to live a great lifestyle but don’t save enough for their long-term life goals.

With your money wisdom, you always have to save and pay yourself first. If not, you could end up blowing away all your money faster than you earn it.

So, how do you pay yourself first?

Simple: Open both a checking account and a savings account. Deposit a certain but fixed amount of money into your savings account every month.

In addition, set up an emergency fund. Why? It’s because you may become unemployed; your house’s roof may need repair and fixing; you may experience a medical emergency; you may need a college fund, and so on. So, if you’ve extra cash each month, deposit it into your emergency fund.

So, how do you get rid of your debts?

With your money wisdom, you get rid of your debts as much as and as soon as possible. Pay off first all your debts with the highest interest rate, such as your medical bills and your student loans. Pay your credit cards balance-remember, getting another credit card won’t solve the problem of credit card debt or payment.

As for your home mortgage, make bi-weekly instead of monthly payments; refinance your mortgage from 30 years to 15 years.

So, how do you save little to save big?

“Beware of little expenses. A small leak can sink a great ship.”-Benjamin Franklin

Your every daily action has a monetary consequence. Here are some of the little things you can do to save little to save big:

·Avoid buying your coffee on your way to work.

·Bring your own lunch to work, instead of getting your lunch elsewhere.

·Eat more at home than at restaurants.

·Get your DVDs from your local library, rather than going to cinemas to watch your movies.

                                   Money and Your Marriage

Money is not just about coins and dollars; it’s about anything and everything in your life that you may have knowingly or unknowingly attached a price tag in your mind.

Money is emotional. So, you must have your money wisdom to navigate that reality by creating your own money beliefs and money habits that may affect your emotions when you feel the abundance or the lack of money.

So, what‘re your money beliefs? Do you believe that money can buy you many things, if not everything? Do you believe in the power of money? Do you think that money can control your married partner?

What’re some of your money habits, such as the ways you earn and make your money, as well as the ways you save and spend your money earned? Do they give you security or insecurity?

What’re some of the obstacles to understanding money wisdom?

You may not attain your money wisdom if you’re already confronted with the following obstacles:

·You spend more than you earn. Do you have several unpaid credit cards?

·You buy things you don’t need with the money you don’t have. Take a look at your closet, your basement, or your garage. Are they all full of your stuff that you don’t really need?

·You think you need more money. You save and save. Money has become nothing but only security to you. Do you always worry a lot about your money insecurity?

·You want quick returns and big payoffs for your money. Do you often go to the casino, or buy the lottery?

·You go with the crowd when it comes to investment and spending. Do you often go shopping with a group of your dear friends?

·You aren’t truthful about money, because you always measure yourself on the basis of money. Are you always conscious of how people perceive what you wear or where you live?

·You’re uncomfortable about money, or you hate money because it’s the root of all evils. You never like to talk about money, do you?

To overcome the above obstacles, you must simply do exactly the opposite.

Once you can free yourself from the delusional and irrational money beliefs and habits, you’ll then begin to perceive how money really matters in your life, such that you’ll learn how to sell yourself, how to invest wisely, and how to make more money. You’ll be richer for life -- in every way. Once you’ve attained your money wisdom, you’ll then look at money with new perspectives and you’ll know how to make, save, and spend your money.

The reality is that money does play a pivotal role in a good and healthy marriage. But money is also the No.1 cause of divorce.

So, use your money beliefs wisely to survive and thrive in your marriage.

Relationship of love and money

What has love to do with your money?

Like many people, you may think that money makes the world go round. Actually, it’s love that makes the world go round, and not money. Everybody is chasing money and looking for ways of getting more. But without the vital ingredient of love, money will have little or no meaning.

How does love and your money equate?

The whole world out there is nothing more than a “projection” of what you feel inside you. Money is energy just like you, me, and everything else. You can have all the money in the world, and still be as miserable as sin.

Teaching your children about money management

It’s your responsibility as parent to teach your children money management and responsibility; you certainly don’t want them to learn it the hard way through their own life experiences.

So, teach your children the following starting at an early age:

Counting money

At age 4 to 5, teach your children to count coins. Kids love coins. Make them count and put them in their piggy banks. Also, teach them to recognize different dollar notes.

Money and daily chores

At age 6 to 7, give your children simple daily chores at home, and then reward them with money or allowance. Let them put their money in boxes labeled “saving”, “spending”, and “loving.”

If they want to buy something at a store, let them look at their money in the “spending” box to see if there’s sufficient money. If they wish to buy a gift for Mom’s or Dad’s birthday, let them go to the “loving” box to get the money.

You’re in fact teaching your children to earn, to save, to spend, as well as to love.

Different types of spending

Around age 10, introduce your children to different types of spending, such as buying goods or getting services done, buying due to needs versus wants, and buying with short-term goals versus long-term ones.

At age 15 to 18, prepare your teenagers for the real world of money. Teach them the concept of credit, including credit cards, credit score, as well as car loans, and student loans.

The reality

Growing up defines not only the kind of persons your children will become, but also shapes their destinies and steers them along their future life journeys.

Build a good foundation for financial literacy for your children, giving them the money wisdom to survive in a world of both abundance and lack. Teach them their own accountability to whatever they’re going to do with their money as they grow up.

Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen Lau

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